Stubborn. Bullheaded. Headstrong. Strong-willed. My mother has told me that I always displayed these traits. That although I was a very sweet and loving child, I was also a very determined child, one that drove her to have so many books with the previously mentioned words in their title. She said that I was fearless. I would often take delight in darting away from her - usually at the most inopportune times, such as a fitting room. I would also make up my mind one way or another and stick to my guns. Even at the earliest age. One summer we took a camping trip to the Smokey Mountains, I was 3 years old. I happened to decide on this trip that I dislike dirt. In fact, I despised dirt and would NOT set foot in the dirt. This was all decided and announced as we pulled into our camp site. As my parents unloaded our things and got set up, I pulled myself up into the opened trunk with a few of my toys, settled in and promptly refused to get out. And that is where I remained for the rest of the long weekend. I ate my meals there, played with my dolls there, looked at my books there. And
heaven forbid anyone that tried to move me. My parents quickly decided that for the sake of the ears of the other campers to simply let me do my thing....in the trunk.
I'm now so thankful to that little girl that was so stubborn that she spent the 4-days in the trunk of the car entertaining herself. I am so happy that I have always been bull-headed, stubborn - all of those things. Without those traits, I don't believe I would have made it to this day. And no, there is nothing special about this day, other than I'm still here, trying to do my best, searching for answers, fighting for the best care I can get, arguing in endless circles with my insurance company, fighting the corporate fight against the haters and just in general- still fighting the fight. Because simply, RSD wears you down, breaks you down, chops you up and chips away at you. You might not realize it at first - but as I enter February - I have been dealing with this stupid RSD..also called CRPS, for 12, yes TWELVE YEARS!! That is a really long time to be in unyielding, unending, ever-growing pain.
I'm glad I such a stubborn little kid. It prepared me well for the journey ahead. I just hope that at some point, there will not be a need to be a fighter, that I can put aside this armor and rest. Because this has made me quite weary.
