It's so tiring. So damn bone wearing to always wear a smile. To mask the pain. To play that charade that all is not that bad. To play that game that that no, it's beating me down. Social niceties will be the end of me. People ask questions that don't really want to the know the answers. I give the answers that I don't really want to give. I guess we all really lose in the end.
Why do we go through the games? I wonder what people would think if I answered truthfully. "How are you feeling today, Sara?" "Well, my ankle feels as though someone has broken it with a sledgehammer, drained the blood out and then thoughtfully refilled it with gasoline and then lit it on fire. Once on fire, they pounded it with shards of glass and continued blows from that lovely sledgehammer to make sure the bones were totally pulverized. Those students yelling in the hallways -yep, those sound waves are actually making me sick to my stomach. Yeah, no kidding, I want to vomit from just the loud noises they are making out there. And the thought of another 4 hours and 45 minutes of this makes me want to jump out the window, except we're only on the first floor so a fat lot of good that will do me. How are you today?" Some how I don't believe that would go over well. People like it when they ask with the tilted head of concern (because it always belies more concern when you tilt your head while asking a question) "and how are you feeling today" and purse your lips up a little bit. It's all some weird and oddly choreographed dance where they ask in the odd manner, and I answer with the "I'm fine" speech done all while through clenched teeth and stiff body language. Great fun.
Right now I just wish that my knees would unlock. Ever since I woke up this morning I've had problems with the cartilage getting stuck in the joint and having them all locked up on me. They just hurt so much and they are stiff and I feel oh so ancient. But when don't I feel ancient. It's just an added little something on top of the ankles for tonight. So, on that note, it's time to rest my weary head. Maybe I'll have happy dreams tonight. One can hope.
Why do we go through the games? I wonder what people would think if I answered truthfully. "How are you feeling today, Sara?" "Well, my ankle feels as though someone has broken it with a sledgehammer, drained the blood out and then thoughtfully refilled it with gasoline and then lit it on fire. Once on fire, they pounded it with shards of glass and continued blows from that lovely sledgehammer to make sure the bones were totally pulverized. Those students yelling in the hallways -yep, those sound waves are actually making me sick to my stomach. Yeah, no kidding, I want to vomit from just the loud noises they are making out there. And the thought of another 4 hours and 45 minutes of this makes me want to jump out the window, except we're only on the first floor so a fat lot of good that will do me. How are you today?" Some how I don't believe that would go over well. People like it when they ask with the tilted head of concern (because it always belies more concern when you tilt your head while asking a question) "and how are you feeling today" and purse your lips up a little bit. It's all some weird and oddly choreographed dance where they ask in the odd manner, and I answer with the "I'm fine" speech done all while through clenched teeth and stiff body language. Great fun.
Right now I just wish that my knees would unlock. Ever since I woke up this morning I've had problems with the cartilage getting stuck in the joint and having them all locked up on me. They just hurt so much and they are stiff and I feel oh so ancient. But when don't I feel ancient. It's just an added little something on top of the ankles for tonight. So, on that note, it's time to rest my weary head. Maybe I'll have happy dreams tonight. One can hope.
Well, she don't want no one around
'Cause she don't want anybody to see
What she looks like when she's down
'Cause that's a really sad place to be
She Don't Want Nobody Near -Counting Crows
