I found this when searching through the archives of my blog...I don't know why I held back on publishing it...my feelings have merit. What I said deserves to be heard. My feelings deserve to be heard. What I tried to write tonight wasn't able to make it through the pain in my brain to words on the screen. Instead, there is this....
After swimming in the murk and the depths - I am making my way towards the light again. I feel like a diver that that is slowing making their way toward the surface - after free-diving to unreachable depths and pushing myself further than anyone should; I can almost feel the surface within my grasp. I can see the sunshine glinting above and the warmth is coming back.
If nothing else, I have learned both the extreme hatred and mean spirited petty, spitefulness of people - for no reason other than you have something different than them. I have learned what it's like to be discriminated against and it is a horrible feeling. I have seen things twisted for benefit of pure evil and good "Christians" do things that are certainly not anything I would consider "what Jesus would do".
I have out of that circumstance learned just how much stronger I can be, how much stronger I am - despite their attempts to knock me down, to grind me up and to tell me otherwise. I have found friends that I lost touch with. I found that I am very loved and cared for. I found that these people - these haters - don't matter. And that they don't deserve the space in my brain...that they no longer should have the privilege of making the noise in my head. Because it's all drivel... I am better than them, it and I am focusing on different things in life.
After swimming in the murk and the depths - I am making my way towards the light again. I feel like a diver that that is slowing making their way toward the surface - after free-diving to unreachable depths and pushing myself further than anyone should; I can almost feel the surface within my grasp. I can see the sunshine glinting above and the warmth is coming back.
If nothing else, I have learned both the extreme hatred and mean spirited petty, spitefulness of people - for no reason other than you have something different than them. I have learned what it's like to be discriminated against and it is a horrible feeling. I have seen things twisted for benefit of pure evil and good "Christians" do things that are certainly not anything I would consider "what Jesus would do".
I have out of that circumstance learned just how much stronger I can be, how much stronger I am - despite their attempts to knock me down, to grind me up and to tell me otherwise. I have found friends that I lost touch with. I found that I am very loved and cared for. I found that these people - these haters - don't matter. And that they don't deserve the space in my brain...that they no longer should have the privilege of making the noise in my head. Because it's all drivel... I am better than them, it and I am focusing on different things in life.
