When I make to the end of each work day, feeling battered, bloodied and bruised - I have a little ritual of things that I do to help me unwind, forget the day, forget the nasty and hurtful people and comments, and just simply unwind. If I am able to - and each day I try - I work on my balance exercises. If it's an exceptional day, I work on yoga and meditation. Most days as of late, I am in the midst of an awful flare-up and I my comforting mix - one that makes my husband laugh...and I think scratch his head and wonder just a bit.
What is it you ask? Do I drink heavily and blast heavy metal? No, the music vibration would hurt- as would the hangover...although drinking a lot sounds good at times. Do I smash plates and glasses in a temper tantrum? No, I smash enough accidentally because I have numbness in my hands - we'll go broke if I did it on purpose too! I enjoy.....fashion blogs (and magazines if it's my favorite time of the mailing month!) and gory death related tv shows! Yep, fashion and death- it makes a girl happy! Down right giddy in fact! Well, giddy for me.
I know - why on earth do I miss "My Edit" with the tv show Bones? My husband also wonders how I can sigh over the fact that someone used a new color palette so effectively, or giggle aloud at the thought of me trying to pull off shorts with tights!! All the while watching with delight and fascination as someone is pulled apart, murdered (or in some cases simply died) in some crazy way in graphic detail via Bones, CSI NY, NCIS (hello Gibbs!). The answer, really, is simple.
It makes the weird zing-zang balance in my life come together at my finger tips. Each day, I feel like I'm being murdered. I feel as though I'm having an autopsy performed on me - unfortunately for me, I'm alive still, and I feel each jagging, searing and stabbing incision. It fascinates me to watch the forensics of a case come together (and honestly- sometimes it's nice to think that maybe the horrible people to me - could befall a fate of crossing paths with a psycho like on Criminal Minds...). In contrast, I have to focus on the positive, I have to focus on something pretty and happy in life. If I can't see something good in it - then I am lost. There is no point in forcing myself through these motions. My grandmother always told me that when I feel bad, to dress up a little extra. When you feel like you look good, you'll feel even better. I miss her so much- and I try to follow her little lessons. She was a strong woman and a wonderful friend.
So, why the gore and glitz? Because it is my life. It's the final round of a boxer in a fight- bloodied and battered...but I still want to fight the fight. And if nothing else, I might not be able to strut my stuff, I'll at least look good doing it. So, excuse me - there are a few more blogs - and a new NCIS -Los Angeles coming on.... :)
